Marriage is the union of two forgivers. Marriages are based on deep friendship knowing each other’s likes, dislikes, quirks, hopes and dreams. Soul mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. A successful marriage is about more than raising kids, paying bills, and getting chores done. It is also about building a meaningful relationship that has a spiritual dimension and is rich in rituals of connection.

There are 5 pillars of Marriage:

• Love
• Trust
• Respect
• Understanding
• faith

How to bring peace, stability, and positivity to marriage.

Radically increase the positive energies you give to your partner. More shared time, more shared projects, more dwelling on what you like about your partner. Respond more often with agreement in response to things your partner says that in the past you might have answered with “but”

Nurture your relationship with fondness and admiration. 

Accept your partner as a unique individual. Do not wish your partner to change. This would bring peace and stability. Do not let monotony and boredom to enter your marriage. Try to vary the routine to make your relationship fresh again. Try new things together, go to new places and do more fun activities together. Being able to shift gears in the heat of an argument and take a break is one of the most crucial relationship skills and often most difficult.

Distinction between Happy and unhappy Couples:

The difference between happy and unhappy couples is the balance between positive and negative interactions during conflict.

There is a very specific ratio that makes love last. That magic ratio is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five(or more) positive interactions.

Unhappy couples tend to engage in fewer positive interactions to compensate for their escalating negativity. Negative interactions happen in healthy marriages too , but they are quickly repaired and replaced with validation and empathy, So Happily married couples do argue and have conflicts / disagreements but they are better able to repair it before it gets out of hand.

Conflict Management in Relationships:

Conflicts and disagreements are inevitable in marriages and relationships. An approach that drastically improves conflict is understanding that each of your perspectives are valid, even if they are opposed to each other. Let them know that their perspective makes sense. Summarize your spouse’s experience during a conflict even if you disagree. Remember that validation does not mean agreement, but it does signal respect

And how you treat each other outside of conflict influences how well you will handle your inevitable disagreements.

During a conflict, aim for a plan of action that pleases you both. No more insistence designed to get your way. Instead when you have differences, quietly express your underlying concerns, listen calmly to understand your partner’s concerns, and then create a solution that is responsive to both of your concerns.

Big No to Criticism and Defensiveness:

Criticism indicates to another person that there is something inherently wrong with them.

Attack on your partner at the core of their character…Criticism if it becomes pervasive, makes the victim feel assaulted, rejected, and hurt. You can complain but do not blame or attack the person.

Defensiveness:

It is typically a response to criticism. It is really a way of blaming your partner and it will not allow for healthy conflict management. Defensiveness will never be helpful and constructive. It only perpetuates negativity. When you are being defensive, you are essentially saying “The problem is not me, it’s you”. Accepting responsibility even for a small part of the problem, will help save your relationship.

Let Empathy, validation, understanding and ownership of your own wrong doings characterize the ways in which you interact with your spouse. The results will be miraculous.